A Zen master says this is the one thing that’s destroying your sex life and almost everyone does it

In Mind & Body
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Sex is a natural process. But as life gets more complicated, so does your sex drive.

Whereas once you were ready to go at the drop of a hat (or pants, as the case may be), there are a number of emotional physical and psychological concerns that can dampen your drive.

However, according to spiritual guru Osho, there’s one habit in particular that’s severely damaging your sex drive and almost everyone in the west does it frequently.

Here’s what you need to stop doing to be a sexually healthy human being:

According to Osho, far too many people in the west fantasize about sex. Here he explains why it kills your sex drive and hinders your ability to function as a sexually healthy human being:

“Then you think about sex, then you fantasize about sex. And the more you think, the more you fantasize about it, the more you will get into trouble because then nothing real will ever satisfy you because there is no limitation on fantasy, and reality is limited.

“For example, if you start thinking too much about sex you can create beautiful women – women which are only your fantasy; you will never find them anywhere in the world. Or men…you will never come across them. No real woman or man will ever satisfy you because of the fantasy. No real man or woman can fulfill your expectations of fantasy. Fantasy is fantasy; it is a dream.”

“You can fantasize a woman who does not perspire, whose body has no body odor. You can fantasize a woman who is always sweet and never bitter. You can fantasize a woman who is always loving and warm and welcoming and never nags you and is never angry, never throws pillows at you. You can fantasize a woman who never ages, who remains always stuck at eighteen years of age – who is always fresh, always young, always beautiful, never falls ill, never makes any demands on you, never betrays you, never looks at any other man with longing, with desire. You can fantasize to no limit, but you will not find this woman anywhere. Now you have created a problem – you are no longer naturally attuned to your sex.

Nature is perfectly capable to be fulfilled, but fantasy cannot be fulfilled. You may find your woman in girly magazines, in pornographic books, but you will not find her in reality. And whosoever you will find in reality will fall short.”

So, what should you do instead? 

So if Osho says to stop fantasizing about sex, does it mean we should just ignore sex all together? Not at all, according to Osho. The trick is to view sex as a natural process and avoid putting rationalizations on it:

“Don’t make much fuss about sex either way, that is the first fundamental. If you want sex to become love, the first fundamental is accept sex as an absolutely natural phenomenon. Don’t bring your metaphysics to it, don’t bring your religion to it. It has nothing to do with religion or metaphysics, it is a simple fact of life. It is a way life produces itself. It is as simple as the trees bringing flowers and fruits – you don’t condemn the flowers. Flowers are sex; it is through the flowers that the tree is sending its seeds, its potentiality, to other trees.”

Sex is natural. Sexuality is not.

Osho says that sex is natural, but sexuality is unnatural. Sexuality occurs when it enters the mind and you can’t stop putting labels and judgements on it. So, instead of repressing sex, or becoming obsessed with sex, we need to accept sex for what it is:

“Sex is Natural, Sexuality is Not. This is the first thing to be understood if you ever want any transformation of sex energy. The first thing is don’t deny it, don’t reject it, don’t repress it. Don’t be too greedy about it, don’t think that this is all – this is not. There is much more to life. And sex is beautiful. Still, there is much more to life, sex is only the foundation, it is not the whole temple.

“Repressed, it becomes sexuality. Fantasized, it becomes sexuality. One is an Eastern way of transforming sex into pathology, the other is a Western way. But nobody, either in the East or in the West, accepts that sex is a simple natural phenomenon. Neither the saints nor the sinners – nobody accepts sex to be a simple natural phenomenon. Both are obsessed with it, hence I say both are not different. Sex accepted, respected, lived, becomes love.”