For those of you who are single, without someone to date and getting stressed about it, consider the following:
- Before you go to meet with someone, instead of worrying whether or not they will like you, worry about whether you will like them.
- Instead of trying to impress them, wonder whether they will impress you.
- Instead of sitting there trying to figure out what to say to get them to like you, wonder whether what they’re saying is getting you to like them.
- Instead of trying to find a conversation you think they will enjoy, ask yourself whether the conversation you’re having is joyful to you.
- Instead of trying to come up with the perfect setting for a date, decide that someone who really likes you doesn’t care where you take them for a date.
- Instead of worrying whether you’re tall enough, or skinny enough, or good looking enough, decide whether they are too superficial or not to recognize your great qualities.
- Instead of looking for their approval, decide whether you will give yours.
- Instead of feeling insecure about how good you are in bed, wonder how good they really are in bed.
This all may seem a little selfish. However, this is called setting boundaries and it’s the one of the most common mistakes people make when dating.
They fail to set boundaries.
Setting your boundaries is about having high self-esteem. It’s knowing that you have value, and that what you think matters.
Too many times, people who are single are wondering whether they have any value in the perception of other people.
Setting boundaries as a single person begins before the actual dating happens. It comes from creating a mindset where you put yourself first. where you understand your own value.
The opposite of knowing your value is thinking you don’t have enough experience, that you’re not attractive enough, not cool enough or not smart enough.
This kind of thinking is the easiest to identify when single and trying to date people. However, if you accept this kind of mindset then it ends up permeating all parts of your life.
People are genuine attracted to someone they can respect. If you’re constantly looking for approval for what to say and how to feel, how can someone respect you?
Change your mind about how you date and start creating a mindset where you know you have value. This new mindset results in attractive behavior. It removes the fear of rejection and feelings of being insufficient.
The only real dating advice is self-improvement. Work on yourself. Conquer your fears. Address your anxieties. And most importantly, understand your value.
This post was inspired by a post on Mark Manson’s blog.